damn it man this one is good
critique: because this poem is driven by rhythm, i was real into it until the very last line, the very last line because as i was racing through, the the very very last line jerked the poem to a stop
it's a creepy feeling. when the orchestra stops, the hall has an echo, it gives a good feeling (lame description but that's what i got). the last line (they're all good) chokes the echo of your poem.
the words "they're all good" make sense when i go over the poem again. it's just that they kill the rhythm at the very end when it was going so good the whole time. if this is sounding a bit nitpicky, it's because it is nitpicky. it is my only complaint with this otherwise very good poem.
thanks for posting it. snapped my fingers to it (lie, but close)