masterful stroke.
Posted to Stories
by jamelah on 2002-12-02 20:33:00
(i can't explain how much i love saying that. well, i probably could, but it would take awhile, and that is not the purpose of this reply.)
ok, down to business.
just as i liked the first one of these, i like this one. i think you've got a good thing going here. i'm not sure that i can say specifically what it is about this piece that works for me, as this one hit me on a more emotional level, and i have a harder time dissecting things that do that to me. however, here are a couple of things...
i like how you break up the narrator's thought process with the small talk about the flight. it's like all this feeling, then, "yeah, long flights suck." there are lots of phrases in this that i like, but the ending is just really fucking good. it's comparable to a slap in the face, which is something i tend to appreciate in writing.
i couldn't help but think, though, that it's not as one-sided as the narrator thinks it is/makes it sound. i pictured this girl on this airplane thinking about seeing him again... reading a magazine, trying to take her mind off of the anticipation... then when she gets there, she can't do anything but downshift into neutral and talk about the mundane. because if she did anything else, she'd fall apart.
but maybe that's just me.
anyway, really liked this. hope to keep seeing these little sketches.
