what, so you thought
there were internet blogs back in the day?
i'm not sure how much writing was done and lost or detroyed, who knows. didnt a lot of the apostles get rounded up later for preaching and stuff? i guess i'm just not surprised that there isnt anything from His lifetime. it wasnt exactly like the most popular thing to be doing: writing stories about one of the empire's enemies, and a dissenting jew.
what i would say is that your faith shaken and that you need some time to figure it all out. this little news doesnt erase everything that you've witnessed in the church, both emotionally and physically. if your faith has gotten YOU thru hard times, chances are, it will get itself thru this one, too.
but if not, it's because you as a person (the same person who believed) have made the choice, and that is your freedom.
so much of religion for me is an expressive thing anyway. it doesnt matter the whys and the whats. i think i unconciously decided a long time ago that you cant argue constantly with every bit of evidence pro and con for the rest of your life. you have to get on with it. i try to live a good life not just because of my religion (which i've my ups and downs with) but because it's just a good thing to do, for myself and for others. if that happens to coincide with something after this life is over because i also had faith, then great. but i figure, either way, i win.