Very good...
Posted to Poetry
by headburner on 2003-02-27 03:14:00
If you permit me I'll just suggest two small alterations:
1) (...) running his fingers along his familiar (remove comma) wooden railing.
The wind breezes in from the West
and he sees the PECULIAR (don't repeat familiar)spectacle (...)
I think peculiar requires more attention / concentration and he's focusing on that particular action. I don't think familiar works well with something (unknown), there's a contradiction that spoils the flow.
Just my two worthless coins,
The Candle-Head
