John Stewart and Dick Cheney
Everyone say it together now: "Dick Cheney is not profitting from this war."
Daily Show host John Stewart, on the fact that Haliburton, the company which veep Cheney formerly CEO'd (and from whom he still receives a $1 million/year stipend) got a multi-million $$$, no-bid (yay free market!) contract to put out the oil fires in Iraq:
"I feel like the government just took a shit on my chest."