vaseline - You need Milan Kundera and Octave Mirbeau
Milan Kundera- The Unbearable Lightness Of Being, not old but a classic for the topic you want to delve into.
Octave mirbeau - The Torture Garden, this was written in the 1800`s - a classic too, but a bit on the more decadent side of things, being an actual decadent classic.Really good.
And maybe this, but its actually a modern book- Intimacy by Hanif.
Kundera is a must though - it has all you listed as required, and more.