you obviously didn't read that post above thoroughly enough. i know he was looking for love. that's all my post speaks of. what frustrates me is that fact that he found love. but never figured to keep it. it was his choice. that's very different from someone who never gets blessed with finding a true mate. from where i stand, he chose to bypass relationships. and he died desiring love. what i ask is, was it worth it? at the end. all his "freedom"? would he do things differently were he to have a second chance?
again, he's an amazing writer. i can appreciate his books for their sincerity, wittiness and natural intelligence. but it's hard to read him in the same sense that it would be hella hard to sit there and watch a loved one burn their hand over and over on the stove as if they can't comprehend...and not wanna stop them; feel irked.
i like scary movies even though they freak the hell out of me; give me nightmares. i obviously wouldn't read kerouac if i didn't enjoy him at some level. what i can't help but see is that he didn't have to end his life so miserably. he made his choices. "make your bed hard, you gotta lie in it."
if i decide to read him even though he pisses me off, so be it. kerouac was a beautiful human being, yes, but when it comes to love, he was a dumbass. so nobody's perfect. if that's my natural reaction toward him because i happend to have my own mind, i'm not gonna sit here and say otherwise. whatever the world thinks. so shoot me.