You sound so similar to me. I mean its so hard to define why it is we read, and the more we read the more changeable our outlook/philosophy becomes to the extent that everything we've learnt, beleived in and opposed converges into one huge tumult. The trip to Nepal you mentioned seems very interesting, I went through a phase of being really interested and passionate about Zen. How great it would be to spend that amount of time free from corporeal worries. Is it an ongoing course, because I'm still in High school in London, and it sounds like something I'd like to do in the future.