Litkicks Message Board Archive


Posted to Haiku Board

"the arch of her back
outside the window
the waves kiss the sand"

this is brilliant.
(critique completed)

now, what do you think of what i was told on another haiku forum: the "ing" form of a verb is not true haiku, because it removes the aspect of permanence caught in the present moment.

for example:

"smoking in the rain
grey waves shatter
against the rocks"

would work more eternally as:

smoke in the rain
gray waves shatter
against the rocks

any opinions?

since i was advised to cut my 'ings', haiku has become more of a challenge