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Posted to Haiku Board




"the arch of her back
outside the window
the waves kiss the sand"

this is brilliant.
(critique completed)

now, what do you think of what i was told on another haiku forum: the "ing" form of a verb is not true haiku, because it removes the aspect of permanence caught in the present moment.

for example:

"smoking in the rain
grey waves shatter
against the rocks"

would work more eternally as:

smoke in the rain
gray waves shatter
against the rocks

?
any opinions?

since i was advised to cut my 'ings', haiku has become more of a challenge

judih