Litkicks Message Board Archive

A response...

Posted to Haiku Board




>now, what do you think of what i was told on another haiku >forum: the "ing" form of a verb is not true haiku, because >it removes the aspect of permanence caught in the present >moment.

Well, the idea of removing gerunds is always a good idea/rule of thumb in any poetry. Not only does the verb become more immediate, but you lose the annoying "ing ing ing" that would result from a series of these words.

However, haiku tends to be a bit different. I've found that gerunds, sometimes, are the only way to get the message across effectively and minimally.

for example:

"smoking in the rain
grey waves shatter
against the rocks"

would work more eternally as:

smoke in the rain
gray waves shatter
against the rocks

Yes, but I'd have to change it to:

I smoke in the rain

so the reader understands where the smoke is coming from, and that sort of messes with the whole rhythm of the piece.

>?any opinions?

>since i was advised to cut my 'ings', haiku has become >more of a challenge

Have you considered sending your haiku out? Please see my announcement about Whiskey Island (msg # 4539) and kick us some stuff! Please!