>now, what do you think of what i was told on another haiku >forum: the "ing" form of a verb is not true haiku, because >it removes the aspect of permanence caught in the present >moment.
Well, the idea of removing gerunds is always a good idea/rule of thumb in any poetry. Not only does the verb become more immediate, but you lose the annoying "ing ing ing" that would result from a series of these words.
However, haiku tends to be a bit different. I've found that gerunds, sometimes, are the only way to get the message across effectively and minimally.
"smoking in the rain
grey waves shatter
against the rocks"
would work more eternally as:
smoke in the rain
gray waves shatter
against the rocks
Yes, but I'd have to change it to:
I smoke in the rain
so the reader understands where the smoke is coming from, and that sort of messes with the whole rhythm of the piece.
>since i was advised to cut my 'ings', haiku has become >more of a challenge
Have you considered sending your haiku out? Please see my announcement about Whiskey Island (msg # 4539) and kick us some stuff! Please!