Litkicks Message Board Archive

overcoming--(commentary)

Posted to Haiku Board




I think it should speak less about the instant chai tea with soy milk. It almost seems as if another line would tie things together.

If you'll pardon me, the first line could read something like this:
"nicotine, chai tea"
And the next line ties things together (what is one overcoming?)

Now if one is overcoming smoking, then nico gum is important. It shouldn't be mitigated with the use of "some". In that case, the bold:
"nicotine gum"
should be the entry. That way I know it's important.

Perhaps one is overcoming caffeine or coffee. As such, the poem makes perfect sense, to me. The middle then stands because caffeine is so important.

Thank you for listening to my opinion.