Litkicks Message Board Archive


Posted to Poetry

That's fantastic. Just rolled out like that? What a groove! The language creates such an urgent, rythmic lapping that I was on the beach with you. NICE. (a word still no better in capitals).
Imperfections? such a strong piece that I do wanna communicate the bits that irked me (and this is personal so ignore if u want)
I thought 'tangerine skies' (ironically the repeated motif) slightly clichéd (compared to the freshness of the rest). I offer no alternative of course...far too lazy!!!
Also might be stronger sans last verse. The strings had been drawn together for me by then and the last verse was superflous.
Small complaints in what really is a VERY inspiring piece of poetry.