Some of what i wrote i liked but I'm always unsure of myself when i write because i usually follow the words and the beat rather than how clever i can get , if i do get clever it would be with the rythmn.
I'm very glad you liked it , i planned on atleast writing one poem when i was down at the beach.
If i could write down everything that goes through my head my composition notebooks would be filled faster.
Whenever i walk around in the cities or just wandering I'm always writing in my mind , just small verses. Alot of times I'll begin letters to my friends in my mind then later ill write it down on paper. But the short term memory can only hold so much and i usually forget it. But the poem i wrote on the beach put together the three days i spent there, if it was summer i probably wouldn't have written or at the very least created a different kind of poem.
I took your advice and made note of it besides the poem i wrote down in the composition notebooks.
If i get it make it sharpe i was thinking of either sending it off to a lit mag or maybe putting it in a pile for a chapbook or something , i want to try for one of those.
Your right about the tangerine sun part , it was cliche , Ive used that description for streetlights as well , i hate when i slip and repeat something , it really pisses me off.