Litkicks Message Board Archive

Needs more...

Posted to Poetry

>The moon blesses the earth, and the stars are out to >inspire, but I am inside, in front of the computer.

Some line breaks in this opening would add to the tension in the poem.

>I type "What is the meaning of life"
>Click, Click, Click..

Same here...shorter lines=more tension.

>Then I stop.

Do you need this period?

>And I stare at nothing.

Do you need this second "I"?

>For a second I see my life in its realist form, pointless.

What's it look like? This is a bit too abstract.

>I close my eyes and wish I was dead.

Gotta' pull this off better...telling us what, exactly, you see might help.