Litkicks Message Board Archive

wow part II

Posted to Poetry

i agree with JV and PH--very, very nice. you made rhyme pleasing for me (seldom does that happen), and the structure was perfect for the tone of the poem. as i was scrolling down, i thought that this:

"A proper tease would wet her lips
and tilt her head; successful ploys
don’t address the tenable precociousness
that could secure more play with boys
above the space between your hips."

was the last stanza, and it was perfect. i think the last stanza was a bit much (since the next-to-last one ended the poem beautifully), but overall, this is a great poem.

feel free to read through my action poetry archives and point out how badly i write. i'm not kidding.