I don't understand exactly what element your bizzarre stanza breaks are suppossed to add the poem. There doesn't seem to be much of a pattern to them out. The word conduit is badly placed. The stanza that starts with "In the unnoticed of men" sounds awkward and gimmicky,like an ornamental gegaw that you would find in a store like wings. The space and punctuation after and well thats just stupid. Create an image instead of vague ideas, ground the writing detail.