are you gonna go my way?
i gets my styleses from many different sourceses. i like to think of myself as a modern-day dumbass, complete with chameleon tendencies and ancient hangups about the size of my earlobes. particularly when it comes to describing the brisk way that pretty girls slam doors when confronted with weapons of mass destruction, namely: geeks.
if i could write anyone else's material, it would have to be stephen king's. that guy writes like a fucking maniac and the fact that he hasnt dreamt himself into a shuttering coma is a testament to his uncanny ability to separate the work from the source, which is something that most if not all insecure, uptight, crazier-than-average writers have an issue with. i'd like for once in my life to go thru a full day without tripping all over the semicolons from the nite before that i apparently left right in the middle of the hallway, in front of the bathroom door. stupid semicolons. all trippy and stuff.
ever get an em-dash stuck in your toes? they sting, you know.
i used to write like hemingway after a car accident, lots of medication, and a frontal lobotomy. for a while i was striving towards a little tc boyle, but i wrung myself around in syntax circles trying to explain myself. nothing was working. then i drilled a number two pencil into the side of my neck, just above that artery everyone always talks about, and i found myself mixing up old jaggar/richards lyrics in with descriptions of someone else's fantasies, and something strange happened: i bled all over the floor and they took me to the hospital. there was a real ugly nurse there who showed me the light when she finally left the room and i could open my eyes.
ever since then i've been imitating van gogh, but my knives are all dull and it's been a painfully long process. all in all, i think i've succeeded, seeing as all famous writers at one time or another have found it impossible to get published. so i'm currently at that stage in my career, biding my time for my big breakaway hit, which i've titled, "chameleon trips on semicolon - a study in animal magnetism." i've got the first three sentences down. i'm very excited.