When I think about it, probably the only time I felt "inspired and really thought I could make a difference in the world" was my 12th and 13th summer. Those summers I attended a camp called the global youth village. It was great..and then I went to public high school. Lol. Since then, it's been scrambling from one achievement to the next looking for some kind of transient happiness. And then I found drugs, what a nice diversion! You said something that really disturbed me tho, and prompted this response.
"i see that it is more realistic and mature to work with the system rather than be special and live for myself"
What the fuck is that chris? You know that's bullshit. And you know that ppl like us would never be able to keep up that kind of masquerade for any real period of time. We may look like we're going along with the system but we're subversively working against it...(cue evil cackle) I think in order for us to keep the "electricity" going we have to continue to surround ourselves with stirring topics and people. This site is a good place, and SMCM is alright sometimes as well. We really should start taking advantage of more of the lectures and activities and then maybe you would feel more thrilled about your place in life.