B4 the escape
“Still we move unmotivated into ourselves, numb, catching the weekend tube and drinking, or memorizing the commercials and eating excessive amounts of bad food, or silently slipping into the tub and slitting your wrists, fading into the warm glow of candles and bathing in the steady, red dispersion of yourself into warm water.
“A murmur or sound or crash from the speaker beside the lighted screen wakes you with parted lips, the score, you look for the score. Again you are nothing, meaningless, pointless. As if any of your decisions really mattered, as if you could change anything, as if your will wasn’t ground from granite to sand to dust to eddies of wind, to vacuum, as if you really weren’t there watching. The tube was watching you, listening to your helplessness, and planning you very own next moves. Oh no, you weren’t a subtly confused victimized violated animal working to earn it and give it all back, to be pacified with greasy food, a car and a bed, a mere conforming heifer in the midst of a large herd driven by an invisible Marlboro man.
“No, you’ll waste away paying into your pension and teaching your kids that the once so perfect all-American ideal still is, and that there is no end to resources, and that good people are still in control and that beef is what a man eats, that the planet circumference is eternal and that God has given it to (all importantly he) he who takes the initiative to gobble it up first.
“And sometimes when you make arduous love to your wife you’ll remember the passion with which you once questioned authority and the current state of affairs, and you’ll be alarmed by anything the media portrays as wrong, and you’ll forget how to question sources and how to examine the presentation of material, to investigate credibility, and you’ll be approving of military and police actions, and you won’t care what peace advocates, environmentalists and nature lovers say, because indeed you’re sick of it!, you’ve forgotten what it was all about, and then it will return when you are penetrating your wife and you’ll suddenly be filled with fire and life, rough, angry, bitter with resentment, hating yourself and life, and she will respond heatedly, then you will be released into the stars of what could have been... you fall asleep pacified, and forget.”