Litkicks Message Board Archive

...

Posted to Haiku Board




>this is more of a tanka type thing since I include myself >and emotional state, abstract not concrete words.

Tanka?

>still...many haiku were written like this long before the >imagist came to be more normative.

Yup. This is arguable. However, how many of them would be published now? I think what makes this haiku unsuccesful for me is the fact that I don't know why you're reluctant. Usually, the haiku that you mention connect the emotion to something, i.e., the abstraction is used, but it is connected to an image, so it is defended. So, something like

Pacific Ocean
I feel the wind
and my reluctance

might be better? Especially if connected with a bit of prose (haibun) or as a haiku sequence, like a haiku journal/calendar. Something like "Narrow Road to the Interior" or something like that...Something that symbolized returning home, or gave us a grounding for the reluctance. As it stands, we have no idea why the speaker is reluctant, and thus, we are disconnected from the emotion.

>anyway I'm just playing.