I need to say nice things to myself, not just hear them from him. not just know im loved. its way more than that and ive known this, but havent really focused on how to change myself very much i suppose in the last year.
ive stopped focusing on last year tho, at least thats changed, at least i can forgive myself for all that.
= i told russ he just wasnt wording things right at time.s saying im psycho one night cuz im moody, isnt a way to brighten my fucking day.
thats what bfs in 9th grade would tell me when they dumped me.
but im not 14, im 21 and im not psycho,
knew he knows im not really nuts, but said he doenst know how else to mention my moods, since i cant say distinctly or clearly what is wrong. oh like i ever can...
sometimes its little things, its eveyrthing, its a bunch of things.. like not feeling like im not going to get a good job, get a shitty job i hate, freak him out over the summer to the point where he might not even want to stand me, etc. etc etc.
im pissed about not interviewing well due to random flipping out, crying, and see, if those things just didnt happen i could be much more productive, and just get the fuck on w/ life, normally, like the fucking setting on a washermachine, aye?