beer and analysis
Posted to Poetry
by soyblood on 2004-06-28 09:07:00
hello Jaxon,
and thank you for the close reading and comments
i'm glad you liked it
it's not my normal style of poetry, then again, i don't
think i have a normal style, i'm always changing
i'm not sure if the costant change is good or bad
regardless, i'm satisfied that i coveyed a story of sorts
with compelling details
bukowski, well, we actually saw "born into this" the new
documentary about him -- that was the one detail i left out, but thanks for letting me know that i somewhat accomplished what i was after: a detailed narrative poem that forms a story, much like bukowski's poetry, which is in essence, his short fiction condensed into poetry, so he says, as he was a fiction writer first
"we hadn't seen each other for quite some time" could
be stated another way, i have the same feeling with "we ate like pigs" -- too cliche
i'll definitely revise this one and keep your words in mind: "don't sacrafice the voice"
