thank you for the response
i was hoping that at some point, someone would tell me that the things i write are far too dramatic. i agree wholeheartedly. you're just the first to tell me.
i'm not sure why returning to the beginning near the end is confusing. it's meant to echo, to establish credibility for the visual imagery by explaining what the opening stanza was supposed to mean. i'll think about that a bit.
i also like the idea of ending it sooner, but i'm having trouble reducing the already reduced version of all that i wanted to include. i'm afraid of taking too much out. i probably need to restructure my rhythm, but i thought i'd wait for responses first. i read too quickly to be a good judge of rhythm.
you like the understated? could you explain what you mean?