Litkicks Message Board Archive


Posted to Poetry

It's funny to talk about understatement to someone whose name is ellipsis because ellipsis is one of the ways of being understated, leaving things out and leaving them to the reader to fill in. Being overly explicit can take away from the resonance of an image. But this is what I have studied because I primarily write haiku where too many words is a major problem and stating the emotion is usually not accepted. This can make for poetry that is, well, too elliptical, too telegraphed, too obscure, but I tend to go by it anyway since this is the way I've trained myself for the haikai style of writing. I don't see a problem with your returning to the beginning as an echo; I like it. I just didn't like the images of the last stanza as much as the ones before and felt it was all too much. But again it is a matter of intention and taste, not any absolute thing. I think if you took out some of the drama and some of the color references (for some reason the pink and red bothered me), then you might find a way to have the last stanza echo the first.