personal reaction (edited)
my response to this is that the rhythm doesn't really hit me. it's probably only my personal preference to read poetry with rhythm that flows more than in the piece you've posted here. yours is slightly more... not erratic... i guess it just isn't as 'creamy' as i typically look for.
also, i like that you've listed specific brand names, but i'm very sensitive to caps lock. i'm not kidding. i couldn't read past it.
that doesn't mean your poem isn't good. it just means that my neuroses prevent me from finshing it, is all. and, surprisingly, not one bit of this post is sarcastic.