What You Are Saying, Daylen, Is ...
(and I've read all postings today by you and Tfire) that it doesn't matter whether your help is given to those who will use it, or those who don't. You throw your compassion out, without judgement, to whoever you believe needs it. Sort of like throwing seeds in a pasture. You believe some of the seeds will sprout, and some won't. The point is, to you, you are throwing out the seeds. And, of course, even though some of the seeds won't sprout now, perhaps they will sprout later on down the line. It's not for you to make these judgements, but just to give, where you see that it's needed. I can understand that, even though I do not practice it.
Sometimes it calls to me, though. I saw a young man sitting on Venice Beach, curled up on a bench wrapped in a blanket. He was despondent. I don't know why. Maybe he was a crackhead. Damned if I know. I gave him everything in my wallet, just to leave a message in his head that his misery wasn't going unnoticed. Before I left California, one of my last meals was at a Chinese place on T.O. Blvd. It
was literally pouring rain. I saw this homeless guy sheltering under the awning beside the restaurant. I'd seen him before, and knew that he wasn't likely to pull himself up off his butt anytime soon. Nevertheless, I had a $100 bill in my wallet, and I gave it to him. He started in on this spiel that I didn't want to hear about the power of prayer (misguided, seriously), but I kept my judgements to myself and walked away, with him still holding the $100. I don't know if this meant anything at all to him. Probably it didn't. Probably the $100 meant eight bottles of booze. I have no idea. But maybe one day when he's meditating on the indifference of the entire world, he'll remember what I gave him, and he'll begin to believe that there's some kind of hope.
I have no idea what these gestures will mean to these people, and in all likelihood, they will mean nothing at all. I'm not capable of these gestures, every day -- that I can say FOR SURE. I would become bitter very quickly. But at some level, I get it. I get what you are doing, Daylen. I can't do it, but I can respect it. I am much better at taking bite wounds from a feral cat, than I am at taking lectures on the power of prayer from a homeless person. I can't forgive humans what I can forgive from animals. But sure, what you are doing has meaning in the long and short run. Bigger meaning than anything I can do. I have not been trying to suggest that you ought to change your actions or your attitude. I envy you your impartiality. Or even your attempt at impartiality. I understand that the forgiveness (coming from understanding) that I can give a feral cat, is what you are capable of giving to people. Keep doing what you are doing. It's extremely important.