Litkicks Message Board Archive

I think....

Posted to Poetry




that these sort of stanzas may be too explicative. You are telling us what you see as you stare out the window. Perhaps these lines could be preserved if altered slightly to keep the intimacy of the rest of the piece.

ex..

gazing out the window at the
gash of orange light through dense clouds
recalling images of blood
standing out on my pale skin,
an image of a time with passion and less hurt.

?? Just a suggestion...