Litkicks Message Board Archive

this poem/song

Posted to Poetry

is interesting; it captured my attention and sustained it. I like the sense of rhythm and rhyme. I wish I had more to say or help with.
I _can_ help out with simple things like typos so here goes:

I never seem to know where I am
What do we call this strange geography?
I've never seen it all, rarely escape the world
beyond these walls of suburbia
and it's inexhaustible decline
>its not it's
I've never been to the West Coast
Not that I care, there's too many
people there
>like the rhyme
Give me the crowded anonimity of New Jersey
>I think "anonimity" is misspelled?
Anyday, I think...
>any day, two words, I believe
I'm heading home, to I don't know where
And just like so many kids, I dont care
>don't unless you want it that way; like the rhyme
I'll just pick up and let down when I need a break
We go out looking for America or to see the world
And if it's not our job than it's usually our girl
>not sure about use of "than"?
Or a man that's insecure when he's alone
They're all the same, They're all the same
>do you want to capitalize the 2nd "they're"?
It's the same old spell playing the same old game
>like the rhyme
We can't decide between freedom and the short and dead
end road thats always calling us back home
>line break here a little strained
Learned about the Midwest from
the lyrics of Uncle Tupelo
It always seemed so rustic, a rural
kingdom of broken dreams
It's just like the junk-sick girl in Red Hook
in Brooklyn
She don't know what she lost, but she's always looking
>like "she don't" colloquial
And the tears flow free like wine
and the saliva between her teeth
Can't seem to get started when the day never seems to end
I'd like to get to dreaming but it seems I've lost my head
I'd like to think I'm catching up, but there's not a chance
in hell
I'd like to think it's living, but it's just
Regression under the spell...
>like internal rhyme
is interesting. I like
>like the title and its suppression till the end

Thanks. Enjoyed it.