Litkicks Message Board Archive

wow...

Posted to Poetry




I loved this...amazing imagery.

i try...
i try...
i try observing
the movements of foxes at night
from my bedroom window

I completely agree with your line breaks. Excellent poem, needs just a little tightening up grammatically. In my opinion, I think it would be a much stronger work if you ended the poem with "compete for spaces in the darkness". The but and what follows detracts from the message, I already know and feel the emotion you are conveying. And that fox image is so strong and beautiful it can end this piece well.