Litkicks Message Board Archive

STAR -

Posted to Poetry




Well ok, other than the fact that this needs punctuation, there are a couple typos, but the lines should be longer. The way it's structured it doesn't move as smooth as it should.
Try separating lines a little... (like 'my desire for you has earthquake tones' as one & so on.)That's a great line by the way. You definitely have a way w/ words.