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Posted to Poetry and Politics



July 9, 2004 -- Whoopi Goldberg delivered an X-rated rant full of sexual innuendoes against President Bush last night at a Radio City gala that raised $7.5 million for the newly minted Democratic ticket of John Kerry and John Edwards.
Waving a bottle of wine, she fired off a stream of vulgar sexual wordplays on Bush's name in a riff about female genitalia, and boasted that she'd refused to let Team Kerry clear her material.

"I Xeroxed my behind and I folded it up in an envelope and I sent it back with a big kiss mark on because we're Democrats - we're not afraid to laugh," she said.

She addressed fresh-faced vice-presidential candidate Edwards as "Kid," and "young Mr. Edwards" and cracked, "He looks like he is about 18 "

"I'm going to card his ass tomorrow."

Other celebs also competed to bash Bush. Singer John Mellencamp sang a specially written song that called the president "just another cheap thug" and ridiculed him as the "Texas bambino."

Kerry could be seen laughing uproariously during part of Goldberg's tirade - and neither he nor Edwards voiced a single objection to its tone when they spoke to the crowd.

They hailed the fund-raiser as a great event.

Edwards said it was "a great honor" to be there and insisted, "This campaign will be a celebration of real American values."

Kerry thanked all the performers for "an extraordinary evening," hailed the "great producers" - Harvey Weinstein of Miramax and Jann Wenner - and said "every performer tonight ... conveyed to you the heart and soul of our country."

Last fall, Howard Dean ran into a similar problem when a New York fund-raiser turned into a stream of ugly racist jokes and X-rated Bush-bashing - but Dean instantly came out and said he didn't like the tone of some of the jokes.

Bush campaign spokesman Steve Schmidt noted that Kerry is claiming to share "conservative values" and said, "Sitting there while the vitriol and venom spew forth demonstrates [Kerry's] lack of leadership and how far he is from mainstream America."

Schmidt added, "It's no surprise that a group of Hollywood celebrities would be so excited to support the most out-of-the-mainstream ticket in Democratic Party history."

Also on the Bush-bashing team was comedian Chevy Chase, who claimed the president is dumb as "an egg-timer" and said Edwards will make Vice President Dick Cheney look "as bright as a bundt cake" when they debate next fall.

Latin comedian John Leguizamo said he refuses to believe there are any Hispanic Republicans, claiming that's "an oxymoron," because "Latins for Republicans - it's like roaches for Raid."

Leguizamo added that he made sure to get there early to clear security because "I kind of look Arab - that's why I don't wear underwear anymore, just to make the searches go faster."

Screen legend Paul Newman blasted the Bush tax cuts, saying, "I am a traitor to my class. I think that tax cuts to wealthy thugs like me are borderline criminal - I live very high off the hog."

Actress Jessica Lange dismissed Bush as "our so-called president" to the fat-cat crowd and afterward said, "I'll do everything that I can possibly do, short of selling my children," to beat Bush.

Additional reporting by Jennifer Fermino