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Week Two -- Dialogue The Statue And The Bird
by
Eugene Weisberger
on Oct 12, 2003 6:08 PM
The Statue And The Bird
The summer was fading and the pretty flowers of the park began to lose their brilliance. But the poor homeless people hardly noticed as they sat on the wooden benches encircling the statue.
Statue: "Pretty bird, you sing your tune so well. You have entertained me all the summer through. I need you to do me a favor, though
Bird: "You are such a powerful and vibrant statue; a solder of so many days gone by. What favor could you possibly want from a little sparrow?"
Statue. "I was a proud and brave warrior from days gone by, but around me sit old soldiers who are poor and hungry. They need our help; especially the old man in the torn red jacket on the bench at my feet."
Bird: "Yes, I see the one. He looks so forlorn. What could a little bird do for such a man?"
Statue: "Take my sword and unleash it from my belt tonight. Then drop it at his feet. He will know what he can buy for it." The bird did as the statue asked. The next morning the old man bought himself a warm jacket for the oncoming winter. The bird sat at the statue's feet singing his pretty song as he began to feel the weather change.
Statue: "Little bird I am so proud of you, but I have one other favor to ask. Could you take my silver helmet from my head and give it to the poor man sitting on the bench to my left."
Bird: "But, brave statue, your head will get cold as the winter comes on. You will need your helmet so you will be warm."
Statue: "Little bird, the old man needs food more than I need my helmet"
"I will do as you request" said the little bird. (at this
point 'play diologue' becomes 'prose' for the astute reader to recognize)
The next morning the statue's head was bare, but another old man had food for the approaching winter.
A few days later the statue called out to the bird: "Little sparrow, yet another old man sits opposite me and needs new trousers to replace his thin, torn pants. Could you take one golden eye and drop it at his feet so that he can buy new trousers for the cold?
Bird said, "I can do this favor that you ask but the days grow short, the weather grows cold and I must soon fly South or I will not survive. The next morn the bird delivered his precious gift of the golden eye. The statue smiled as the bird sang, but, thought the statue, not as vibrantly as his little friend once did.
The statue saw, through his remaining eye, another soul with frayed and tattered shoes. "Little bird" said he, "One more favor I must ask. Please take my remaining eye and give it to the man whose shoes are so very torn."
"But," said the bird, "the weather has grown so cold, I cannot make it to the South unless I leave this very day."
But the statue said to the little bird, "I need this one last favor for you to do, so that poor man can make it, the winter, through.
The bird took the statue-warrior's remaining eye and delivered it as he was requested to do.
The very next day, the bird said to the statue, "Dear brave friend, I can no longer leave you alone, because you cannot see any who may need your helping hand.”
On the following morning, the cold white snow began to fall. The bird rested still and motiomless on the statue's head and each had a smile frozen on its face, as winter arrived at this frigid place....
Three months went by and the village staff soon came to usher in the flowers of spring. One workman looked at the little park and said, “How run-down our city has gotten”.
The other one said quite casually, "We must have that statue repaired very soon. I never noticed how shabby it had become.”
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Responses:
Re:Week Two -- Dialogue The Statue And The Bird
by
elvin
on Oct 12, 2003 7:25 PM
An excellent story! There are a few dodgy phrases but that's expected in a first draft. My only beef is that it wasn't all in dialogue -- The same story could, I think, be told in dialogue. For example instead of saying "the bird went and did it." you can say "Statue: 'thank you bird for doing it.'"
You get the gist anyway.
As far as the idea and subject matter goes, it is a brilliant little fable, and relevant too.
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Re:Week Two -- Dialogue The Statue And The Bird
by
panta rhei
on Oct 13, 2003 5:44 AM
i think this is a wonderful story.
a fable about giving and helping... about seeing and giving away that sight just because one sees.
a story about the traces of existence that cause a shabby look for some and a monument of empathy for others....
considering the given topic of week two, i do agree with elvin about it being to much in prose and not enough in dialogue, though. but i think this could be changed with a few slight shifts.
apart from that, i like it a lot.
i can see that place in the park in my mind....
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Re:Week Two -- Dialogue The Statue And The Bird
by
InteriorDasein
on Oct 13, 2003 7:33 PM
eugene,
great fable. this should be turned into an illustrated book
(good for kids and adults, too).
i say don't worry about the dialogue vs. prose issue. the format should, as always, be determined by whatever works best for the piece under construction. the mix of prose seems to fit this piece alright.
this raises the broader question as to whether "dialogue" is simply a matter of form or something more -- there can be a spirit of dialogue within a work which is not formatted like a dialogue in a play.
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Re:Week Two -- Dialogue The Statue And The Bird
by
Eugene Weisberger
on Oct 14, 2003 8:49 AM
Response to 3.14159---
OK what the hell is that? What is this guy up to anyway? All we want is a response to our responses.
I cannot help it, but I am a
way-out engineer. I think I will get my oyster group's.
attention if I call you "pies." For those of you who never took math. please note 3.14159--- is pie.
Got it now. ------Panta,Interior,Elvin-----
I am flattered that you all like the story with of course
two against one thinking that the entire story should be in dialogue and one of you thinking it could be left the way it is; namely with the transition from dialogue to prose. If you would please reread the story noting that line and than seeing if it effects your opinion. I am very impressed with the story myself so I want to include it in my upcoming
book of short stories.
If, despite your reading the comment of the story changing
from "play" to "prose" and you think it is still too, too cute
I will rewrite that portion.
My opinion is that it is too good a story to disfigure it with some "cutism"
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Re:Week Two -- Dialogue The Statue And The Bird
by
InteriorDasein
on Oct 14, 2003 9:56 AM
hi gene,
(hygiene)
i would take out the line that indicates the transition to prose. and, in fact, i would recommend doing the opposite of what the others have suggested: that is, to convert the whole thing from the beginning into Prose-based dialogue -- e.g. < The bird said,"etc ..." > rather than < Bird: Etc... >
FYI: the word for the constant 3.14... is spelled "pi" rather than "pie." i think.
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Re:Week Two -- Dialogue The Statue And The Bird
by
panta rhei
on Oct 14, 2003 11:30 AM
gene,
if you want to include this piece in your book of short stories, then don't change the prose into dialogue. in fact, i'd recommend to do as interior says: to convert the whole thing into prose-based dialogue.
my suggestion about changing the story from prose to dialogue had merely to do with the quest's topic.... my first thought when i read this week's assignement was that we should write a piece almost solely composed of dialogue. but the more i think about it, i come to the conclusion that that's not what is going to matter... it is the relevance of the dialogue inside the story.
and in your story, the dialogue definitely IS relevant.
-panta
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Re:Week Two -- Dialogue The Statue And The Bird
by
panta rhei
on Oct 14, 2003 11:36 AM
and as for 3,14..., eugene - i think we rather are an "e pipe" (sounds like quite an interesting insrument), or a "peep i" (peeping out of our self).
don't forget to add yourself and picasso to the group!
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Re:Week Two -- Dialogue The Statue And The Bird
by
picasso
on Oct 17, 2003 7:19 AM
Gene, this reminds me of a parable or an old fable like the other said. i enjoyed it but it was missing aspects of the whole "dialogue" thing.
however, i loved the fact that the little bird stayed with his friend the statue through the winter to be his eyes. and i love that the city will repair him as opposed to replace him. i was afraid i was going to read the word "replace" there and I was going to be sad for the bird that his friend was being taken away.
heh.
isn't it funny what you can think/feel about characters in such a small little story in a short amount of time? have you ever read a book and when you've finished wonder what the characters are doing now? or think about them in other situations and how they would react based on what you know about them?
anyway, good story eugene. have you ever seen a statue with gold eyes?
~picasso
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Re:Week Two -- Dialogue The Statue And The Bird
by
Eugene Weisberger
on Oct 20, 2003 2:20 PM
I am thinking about changing the title of this story and called it The Statue With Golden Eye.
What do you think?
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